We would bite the cold and bitter steel as we bid our painful goodbyes. The stinging sensation would start beneath our sternum - moaning like heaving wood. Our ears would flood with the cracking noise of our ribs - violent, blistering, spine-tingling agony which caused our eyes to roll back. Convulsing coma - we would clench our fists as the twinge would throb and shatter. Torturous torment - anxiety caused by our forced adieu. Solitary suffering - my timid and distressed darling.
Longclaws’ “India” is a humble, subtle departure from dark electronic music that seems to prevail my entire audial library. It is a welcoming contrast - like soft, sincere obeisances - night bowing to the day. A bashful goodbye, certain yet apprehensive. Assured the regretful decision is correct.
Last night on Turntable.fm, I watched my boy Yalls premier this remix to ABADABAD himself…and the rest of us in the room. The reaction was crazy. Little avatar heads started swaying back and forth. Half way through I’m pretty sure I saw two avatars hooking up in the corner of the room. So, I offered to post it up, even though I rarely post remixes. Check out more ABADABAD here if you haven’t yet. Also, grab Yalls’ soon to be released tape here.
I don’t think “love” has to be such a complex idea to KNOW whether or not you’re in "love." I think it’s easy to know this. You either love a person or you don’t. “Falling in love” is such a widely used phrase that perhaps no one can even define. Correct me if I’m wrong, but love is not a war. We do not have to battle with the idea of loving someone. We are humans and we are capable of love. This is our nature. We can love a person or not. It should be easy, it should be effortless, it should be love. Why do we have to think we’re in love? Am I making sense? These are only my thoughts. I don’t intend to cause any questioning of these statements. Love is what you think it is, and what you want it to be. For me, I want love to be everywhere. I want to love everyone, my family, my friends, and my favorite, beauty. Life is all about love. And one day, there will be that person I love without a doubt. And whether or not I “fall in love” with him, I do not know. But I know it will happen because this life of mine, on this earth, is made from love, and will continue to be enjoyed with love.
Recently posted on Saskatchewan’s Soundcloud, this new demo expands the Orlando group’s lovely pop sound even further. A slower jam, but it still tags along with the rest of their recently released works and it’s easy to get excited about the next release. Hopefully, EP/LP details are being worked out and we can expect something at some point this year.
What a pleasant week I have had. A few things I need to get done, that keep bothering me… But, overall I am satisfied. Perhaps not my parents, for my late in the afternoon sleep-in’s are getting quite old. 2 o’clock in the afternoon to roll out of bed has gone on long enough! Come on. I’ve been home for a week now guys! I needed that extra sleep. Or was it the not going to sleep till 6 in the morning that did it? Not to worry. I plan to change this.
One thing that is bothering me right this instance is that I NEED to make a lot of phone calls. I should list everyone I think of during the day so I don’t forget. There are a few peeps in Rexburg I need to chat with, a couple boys, a few girls, oh and the school…
Here’s the thing, I love keeping up with friends. I love making friendships that last. And in college, we all make a ton of those. Especially with close girlfriends that you can even have sisterly love for. What’s great about the time we live in now, is that damn Skype. I had a lovely video chat with one of my best friends and I got to see her sun-kissed skin that she oh so adores and I oh so envy.
With this friend in particular, I had one of the greatest moments in my life. It was a bunch of us driving somewhere, trying to find a place to camp! We were in the car, windows rolled down, the stars as bright as the moon, and I witnessed my friend be the happiest she could ever be. This is where I noticed that one of the greatest things in life for me is seeing dear friends of mine be truly happy. When I see that smile on there face, or hear their fun-loving obnoxious yells into the night air, I know that they are happy, and it’s a great feeling to have, but harder to explain on here. Just know the feeling I get when I see people, but especially friends, that smile, laugh, and enjoy that very moment, I am one content person, feeling something inside even that makes life all so worth it…
…even after getting kicked out of school. or suspended, whatever… :)
I love those friends where you can have fun anywhere you are, or even if it’s been over a year since the last time you had fun. It’s those friends where you can be yourself around, and where you care more about their well-being and their happiness more than your own, that make life worth living for. It’s when you find people you would rather serve or do nothing at all together that you know it’s a lasting friendship. These friendships where all curiosity, pain, joy, and everything in between are brought up in conversation, or physical and emotional contact - these are friendships worth living for. It’s these times we have with our friends: the laughter, the mellow times, and even the solitude - these times add up. These types of friends show us one thing. These are the friends we (learn/grow/want to)love. ///
*this is rough. not sure how i feel about the writing. but it’s how i feel. -stina
DIPLO Tracklist DJ shaun d (its about to go down) (maddecent) ludachris -the potion (gta mix) dillon francis- masta blasta N2deep “last night a dj saved my life” dj shadow - organ donor extended overhaul Diplo & skrillex - amplifire cassius slay - based Heartbreak & ToddlaT - that jeffery Dillon Francis & Diplo - Que que(torro torro mix) Dillon Francis & Diplo - Que que(alvaro mix) south rakkas crew get mad again () missy elliot - get your freak on (alvaro and punish bootleg) MIA - pull up the people MIA - galang Adele - rolling in the deep (jammie xx / heatwave mix) Heartbreak and Munchi - Face off Bangles - walk like an egyptian Beastie Boys vs Major LAzer -“dont play no games” Breeders - cannonball Flippa mafia -majorlazer dub metele bellaco - (munchi mix) La Factor - papi chulo Latigo! Shalimaresde Ahora (?) Jwls - bashin Gwen stefani- hollaback girl Boyfriend - Vodka House Diplo - Horsey cecile ft General Degree - nananana YYY - heads will roll (Amac edit) Alex clair- up all night (nadastrom mix) Localocalo- Miguelito Crack Time Takers - she blows (dillon francis mix) Dj Ayres - Hip hop/ warzone Black keys - tighten up Dillon Francis & Diplo- Que Que Feat. Maluca on iTunes: http://bit.ly/westsideEP Purchase BYH Dave Nada Presents Moombahton On iTunes: http://bit.ly/moomton On Beatport: http://bit.ly/mUyG29 On CD: http://bit.ly/mzyciv
I want to write again. It’s also 3:30 am and I probably should not. I just edited my tumblr page with more summer colors. I mean, I think they are summer colors… And this is my last night in Rexburg, the little college town I have lived in for the past 9 or so months. After being kicked out of school, and yes, I got kicked out of BYU-Idaho, I stay up all night leaving this place with a bang. Here’s a short summary of my night:
It started out visiting my old friend who has the 4 cutest boys of all time. Her youngest, who is 19 months, was trotting around in his dipper having the biggest smile on his face. She and I chatted for a bit, and then we said our goodbyes. I came home to my best friend. Then other friends came over. We played, we kissed, we danced. You get the idea. I went to dinner with old friends who I have dearly missed. I can act completely and utterly myself with them, having the time of our lives. Maybe not the most appropriate or lady like of me, but being with them makes life fun. Then I met up with another best friend of mine. We got some mexican grub. I ate a Jalapeno and almost died, while our friend lovingly ate them and sweating profusely doing so. Then others came and we went on a joy ride. I said goodbye to other friends, one in particular who we can thank for my 'separation' from the school… Twizzleberry for yummy frozen yogurt and Dance Kinnect where I got killed.
And then let’s top it off, Okay? You ready? We decided to climb the railroad crossing overhead on Main street. As we anxiously got to the other side, climbing up and crawling/walking with the fear of our lives, ‘shit hit the fan’. We got to the end and saw a cop car pull to the side, flashlight towards us, and him asking us to get down. You can guess the rest. But we were all citated with trespassing bullshit… Goodbye REXBURG.
I’m going to write tonight. Or I should say type. I’m going to type out what’s been going on in my life, maybe back you up with a few, and then lead into how and why I am doing this right now…
I’ll begin by saying, I don’t think I will be able to sleep at all tonight. I’m just saying. And I also want to say that I am currently listening to the new (as of today, June 10th) GUERRE - Darker My Love - Remixes by Yes Please Records. And might I add, it is definitely hitting the spot right now - my anxiously waiting, torn to shreds, and lost person I am at the moment. But, all of this, all of this mopping I might be bringing, I want to say I am Stina. And, I am great. I am happy. I have a pool full of friends and family who love me, blah blah. It is true.
Since I was a youngin’ of 15, I’ve battled depression - chronic, severe, major depression. I could go into details, tell you my life story, but I’m not going to. I’ve learned a lot of people in the world battle with this. I could care about publicizing my ‘problem,’ but I want to get all of this down right now, and hell if I cared about what others think. If anything, I want this to help people understand not only depression, but the things in life we all take for granted: happiness, joy, love, families, friends, beauty, and so forth.
I grind my teeth now, late at night, when I’m on Adderall throughout the day. My legs constantly shake. It takes me hours to fall asleep. Or I can stay in bed literally all day long. I have no motivation, no desire to get out, to go out, to see friends, to see anyone. I don’t want to eat. I have no appetite for anything, and this could be the Adderall, yes. But, the problem is that I like it. I want to loose an extra 10, maybe even 15 pounds. Sure, I don’t need to, at all! Being 6 feet and 148 is a damn good thing. But that never stops me from feeling down on myself. I put myself on the highest pedestal a person should ever. I constantly am bringing myself down on the things I do, or don’t do. I can’t help feeling the way I do, or thinking the way I think, or what I think. But, I can step outside of my shell and realize what’s going on. I can see myself spiraling down. I can feel it. But I don’t want to. I don’t want any of these things to happen to me. I can’t stop it.
So this is the point where some may say, suck it up. Stop crying and get over it! Right? Yeah sure, I am great at that. Come on! Everyone knows me at this great little institution I attend. I’m not hard to miss. Being 6 feet tall, long, curly, blonde hair, and a voice that carries from room to room, people know me, or they know of me. And so what if that sounds like cocky bullshit… The point is, even after the great life I know I have, the great blessings I am continually blessed with, the family, the friends, the beauty, the love, I still battle this. Everyday of my life is a struggle. And every one of my days are different. From good to bad, I continue to endure…
I want to go on, and I could go on. But that is all for now. Maybe if I can’t sleep I will continue. But, farewell for now.
J Dilla - So Far to Go (feat. Common and D’Angelo)
I haven’t been very active here this past week—Walker’s been doing it all, in fact, and for spreading so much great new music he should be commended—as I’ve been very busy moving into a temporary 2-month residence with a few friends in DC for an internship. For that same reason, I most definitely haven’t had the chance to listen to any new tracks or albums floating around. I’m sure I’ll do something of that nature over the weekend. In the meantime, this post goes out to everyone on the East Coast who’s had to suffer through this ridiculous heat wave we’re being smothered with right now (95+ three days in a row? HELP ME), as I think I’ve found my perfect antidote: playlists of soul, neo-soul, and instrumental hip-hop of all varieties. Seriously, the angelic croon of the legendary Sam Cooke and the funky beats of production wizards such as Madlib, Onra, and J Dilla have been my lifeblood these past few days (for those who don’t already know, I am a drooling fanboy of Dilla’s work). So, to help all of you regain your sanity, here’s my advice: sit back, point the fan directly at your face, and cool off with these fantastic tracks. Smoooooooth as silk.